Juliette, Week 11 - Control or Lack Thereof
As we begin reading Everything I Never Told You, it reminded me of the section in the AP Psychology textbook that talks about how people having control over their lives has more benefits than just having freedom. In movies and books like the Dead Poets’ Society or EINTY, the importance of feeling in-control is apparent, especially how it is easily overlooked in children and teens.
The main characters in both of the works, Neil—with his father having absolute control over his extracurriculars and possible career paths—and Lydia—with a similar case to Neil—both are hopelessly controlled by their parents which deteriorates their motivation and general well-being because of their lack of free-will and ability to control their own life and actions (I am going to refrain from adding details for anybody who hasn’t watched the Dead Poets’ Society). What I have noticed, as I look at social media and explanations of both of the tragic instances of helpless teenage lives, is that many people can relate their stories to some extent. As Mrs. Smith mentioned, we, as teenagers, are not fully autonomous from our parents: even if there is no extreme authority there is still the influence of “You should take this class” or “I loved history! You should take AP History!”
Of course people can be happy with their lives controlled by outside influences. It takes away the pressure of having to decide and manage your own life. Right?
Not really; multiple cases of research and meta-analysis have been done that demonstrate the importance of at least feeling in-control with some even finding that “autonomy is more important for national well-being than wealth.”
Think about that. Regardless of economical or cultural status, not possessing personal autonomy stymies good mental and physical health.
This by itself, in my opinion, explains the actions of so many people—both fictional and real—that act to take control of their life (such as Neil and Lydia). As the common saying goes, strict parents raise rebellious kids.
The devastating affects of increased stress.
Although suggestions can be helpful in guiding teenagers through life, what becomes an issue is when those suggestions become increasingly influential and guide the way a child lives. Control must be balanced; obviously, there needs to be some guidance, support, and supervision, but the focus should be on motivating. It should not be “You have to have your room clean this weekend,” instead it should be “It is so nice to have a clean room, and it can help people de-stress too” or instead of “you need to do well in school or you’re grounded,” it could be “always try your best in school to fulfill your potential.”
There can be drawbacks to general suggestions, but they encourage happiness and give teenagers control over their own choices that is often taken away and overlooked. In such cases, people would have increased motivation and fulfillment when completing said tasks (studying or cleaning) because they chose to do it and it was not demanded.
P.S. The power of control is also why we might also not want to do something when it becomes asked of us even if we were planning to do it in the first place (it is not just pettiness or teenage annoyance).
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Hi Juliette! I felt as if I could really relate to your blog post this week because I also noticed the influence of Marilyn’s control over Lydia’s life while reading EINTY. I like how you began your writing by referencing this book and the Dead Poets’ Society, since I think that it provided a comparison that many of us could easily understand as we’re all familiar with at least one of these characters. I agree with you, many people definitely relate to their stories, and I think that, as teenagers, we’ve all experienced the feeling of being pressured or controlled by others that tell us what we should do. Whether it’s from peer pressure, from our parents, or from other external circumstances, the power of control is constantly present in our lives and we’re not always the ones that hold this power.
ReplyDeleteI also really liked the way that you ended your blog by providing your opinion and suggestions in preventing the way others control our lives. You provided a balanced perspective, acknowledging both the sentiments of parents who think they’re doing the right thing by pushing their child as well as the feelings of teenagers who feel hurt and frustrated by being told what to do, which I think helps us fully understand both viewpoints of such issues. I really agree with your statement about making others feel as if they made the choice when offering advice, and I think that you brought up many insightful points about the frustration that comes with feeling out of control or powerless. Thanks for sharing Juliette!
Juliette, I really enjoyed reading your post! Your connection between Everything I Never Told You, Dead Poets Society, and AP Psychology was such a strong and insightful way to explore the theme of control. The way you highlighted the psychological impact of autonomy, not just in fictional characters like Neil and Lydia but also in real-world studies, made your argument feel both well-researched and deeply relevant.
ReplyDeleteI especially liked your discussion on how parents' well-intentioned guidance can sometimes become overwhelming control. The examples you gave, like reframing demands into motivations, were really effective in showing how autonomy can be fostered rather than taken away. It made me reflect on how language and approach shape our willingness to do things, your P.S. at the end perfectly captured that feeling of resistance when something becomes an obligation rather than a choice!
One thing that could be interesting to expand on is whether there are ways for teenagers to actively gain more autonomy, even when external control is strong. Are there strategies or compromises that can help bridge the gap between parental influence and personal freedom? That might add another layer to your already compelling argument. It made me reflect on my own experiences and how I respond to control in my own life!
Hi Juliette! I really liked how you compared Lydia from Everything I Never Told You to Neil Perry from Dead Poet’s Society and it is a comparison I never considered before but makes complete sense the more I think about it. Control is something that is important in everyone’s lives and a complete lack of it can lead to stress and depression as seen in both examples. A lack of control over oneself results in helplessness, powerlessness, and increasingly less confidence. As the pressure to meet expectations adds up people can feel suffocated, like they have no escape, and their lack of control leads to confusion over what to do with their own lives. I have seen this in people around me whose parents make every decision for them which leads to them unable to take control and make decisions without that external final opinion. I agree that no external control is not a good thing either and that it should be balanced. As humans we are prone to bias and bad decisions and people with more experience can offer a different perspective, providing a helpful sort of control. Overall, I really liked how your blog was structured and how you connected the power of control to our current unit. Thank you for sharing and great job!
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